And the keyboard wept...
A couple of minutes ago I typed the following sentence:
"I’m happy to announce that we finally have our own fax machine!"
It was the first line of an e-mail I just sent to the other folks in my unit. Let's take a moment to analyze the (not so) hidden pathos of this statement.
"I'm happy"
A lie. A damn lie.
"to announce"
I'm not announcing anything. I'm not standing here with a bullhorn. I'm typing a damn e-mail. Rejoice.
"that we finally have"
Implying that it's been some sort of uphill struggle - which I suppose it has, but it's not like I was lugging alabaster for the pharaoh or anything. I had to put in a request through IT that took two weeks to process. Hardship. I bleed.
"our own fax machine"
An appliance I'm shocked to death has not been put out of its misery. And it's OURS! ALL OURS! And worst of all:
"!"
An exclamation point. At time of typing, I was actually excited at the turn of events before me. A fax machine! WOOHOO! I used to have to walk twelve feet across sand-colored carpet to retrieve faxes! No longer! Now the thing's sitting right here on my desk! If I'm not careful I'll bump it with my elbow! It's displaced my file racks! THAT'S HOW CLOSE IT IS!!!!
It's been a long week.
"I’m happy to announce that we finally have our own fax machine!"
It was the first line of an e-mail I just sent to the other folks in my unit. Let's take a moment to analyze the (not so) hidden pathos of this statement.
"I'm happy"
A lie. A damn lie.
"to announce"
I'm not announcing anything. I'm not standing here with a bullhorn. I'm typing a damn e-mail. Rejoice.
"that we finally have"
Implying that it's been some sort of uphill struggle - which I suppose it has, but it's not like I was lugging alabaster for the pharaoh or anything. I had to put in a request through IT that took two weeks to process. Hardship. I bleed.
"our own fax machine"
An appliance I'm shocked to death has not been put out of its misery. And it's OURS! ALL OURS! And worst of all:
"!"
An exclamation point. At time of typing, I was actually excited at the turn of events before me. A fax machine! WOOHOO! I used to have to walk twelve feet across sand-colored carpet to retrieve faxes! No longer! Now the thing's sitting right here on my desk! If I'm not careful I'll bump it with my elbow! It's displaced my file racks! THAT'S HOW CLOSE IT IS!!!!
It's been a long week.
-TM
posted by The Tin Man | 2/03/2006
1 Comments:
Hurray for you!
"Hurray"
By using this anachronistic term of rejoicing, I'm implying that your use of this archaic technology amuses me.
"for you!"
I'm mocking you with sarcasm, I really couldn't care less.
wow... that was fun.
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